Here lately I have been writing from spaces of very RAW moments. I’m praying for strength and claiming Philemon 4:13 and Luke 1:37 to just get through one hour of one day.
The other day I was having Bible time with my children. You all know that my children range in age from fourteen to eight. We have a mix of emotions in our house, especially with my teen girls, and we have a little boy who never wants to sit still. Last week I failed at Bible time being consistent. So it should be no surprise that as I gathered my children for Bible time, Satan was all over our time and space.
I literally witnessed this devil taking over the emotions and behaviors of every single one of my children. My son, who was in a good mood and accomplishing quite a lot, turned into a boy who was no longer compliant and throwing a fit on the floor because he didn’t think he could write one Scripture on an index card. My youngest daughter had some very unkind words coming out of her mouth towards her sisters who were just trying to help. My near thirteen-year-old decided that if her brother wouldn’t accept her help she was never going to be helpful again and then also had unkind words of her own. And my oldest, she decided that it was the end of the world to have to write a couple of verses in her notebook and think about how Satan was cleverly invading her thoughts and actions as of late.
I sat and looked at my children and my heart broke. I lost it. I burst. We were reading Genesis 3:1 and it was unfolding in front of me how clever this monster was in my home. Tears ran and I tried so hard to explain this to my four, but even as hard as I tried they did not see the error before them. We finished our writing and I gathered them for prayer. Ladies, this was hard for me. I didn’t want to pray, but I knew the only thing that was going to rectify any of this precious time would be just that – prayer. I had each child (starting with the oldest) pray for their own behavior and life as the rest of us would pray silently for them while they spoke. Each one did this and then I closed in prayer with tears threatening to fall once again.
I’ve only ever wanted to teach them God’s Word and have them love each other with a love that could never break. Best friends and companions through life. I prayed and asked for God to be in our day and to guide my children because there will be a day when I no longer can.
Ladies, I love my children, but they are not mine. I dedicated them to God at birth, but claimed them as my own. I realized that I have to let them go in God’s hands; let him guide their steps. They have been raised to know God and his Word. I have to let God lead; me and them. This is a RAW moment from my week. Please know that I am in this life with you all. I am thinking of you and praying for you because I so desperately need you praying for me too.
Lord, as my life is no longer my own, my children also do not belong to me. They were gifted to me to care for and raise in your ways, but they are your children. I ask for the strength and ability to be the mother you intended me to be for them. Guide my steps as well as theirs. Thank you for trusting me to do this crucial job and to live a life that is guided by you. Amen.